That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
