i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
