first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
