I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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