Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize