Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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