I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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