I looked at my own cervix.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
