Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
