If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
smell my finger.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
