It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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