it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
