He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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