I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
