This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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