so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
