I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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