Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
false alarm, still single
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
