Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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