I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
