My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
