Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
