Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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