The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize