I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
