Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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