This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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