So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
