Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize