Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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