You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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