I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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