My hand turned me down
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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