Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
