Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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