i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
