Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
