The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
