i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
