i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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