its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
