I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
