we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
