so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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