I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
