Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
