Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like a drive thru vagina
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
