I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
