I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize