ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
