flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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