I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
