After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Congratulations! We have a period
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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