I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
