the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
