do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
