every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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