Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
