Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
being pregnant is like rehab
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
