Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
