You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
