What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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