She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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