I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
