There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
