Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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