I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize