I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
