You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize