I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
