Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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