Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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