just come out here and I will go home with you...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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