areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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