I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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