For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
