My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize