theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My pussy is not your playground.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
