We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
