he thought i was a dude.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
