I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
do herpes really smell.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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