well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
