she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
