Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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