all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
