At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
