what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
