It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize