I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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