not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We are two peas in an std pod
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
