That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
