How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize