Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
