I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
