if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
