Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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