The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
