Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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