I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
