she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
