whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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