have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
this is an emotional support booty call
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
